


Didn't Want You To Be Alone

by Anonymous



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, F/M, Fix-It, Headcanon, Natasha deserved better, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24583984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Steve needed to be selfish for once - he owed her that much.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 7
Kudos: 90
Collections: Anonymous





	Didn't Want You To Be Alone

Steve was tired.

Through 105 years, a World War, defeating the Mad Titan, and more battles than he could even count, he couldn’t remember ever being this exhausted.

They’d lost so much… and even though by some miracle they’d gained a lot of it back, there was still a gaping hole. He still expected to turn around and see that glint in Natasha’s eyes or hear a sarcastic comment coming from Tony. But he’d never get that privilege again. They’d sacrificed themselves for the good of the universe.

And still it wasn’t over yet. There was always another mission. There would always be someone needing him. It never ended. And he was just _so tired._

He needed time to mourn.

There was something that he just needed to do. He couldn’t explain it. He knew that Bucky had suspected something from the looks he kept shooting in his best friend’s direction, but he’d never asked. And Steve wasn’t sure he would have been able to tell him even if he had.

For just once in his life he’d decided to be selfish.

He did his best to feign that he was listening as Bruce talked to him, but he wasn’t – not really. He must have muttered appropriate enough answers because the next thing that he knew he was holding Mjolnir and a briefcase and Bruce was counting down, and that was it. There was no turning back.

He couldn’t say that returning the stones to Asgard or Morag was particularly straightforward or easy but he managed it with an almost clinical detachedness.

Vormir was different. The entire planet felt heavy, destitute. And yet as a cool breeze gently caressed his cheek he swore he could almost smell her subtle perfume. The soul stone pulsed warmly against his palm as if it was calling to him and his chest tightened.

He followed the directions Clint had given him to the cliff, then sat at its edge for a long moment. A heavy mist swirled below and he was grateful. He wasn’t sure that he’d be able to go on if he’d seen her broken body lying at the base – at least not for a long time. When he finally gathered the courage to drop the stone he couldn’t say what happened next. There was a flash of orange light, a soft touch, almost like fingers running gently through his hair, and then he was lying in a shallow pool, feeling more alone than ever.

New Jersey was uneventful, leaving only one more stop on his ‘official’ trip. But he still had one extra place he needed to go. An unspoken promise that he needed to fulfill.

The time stone glinted as he held it in his hand. He’d sworn to himself a long time ago that even if he’d had the chance, he would never use the stones. But loss can do strange things to a person. He’d been changed in immeasurable ways since the Infinity War. And no matter how senseless his plan might sound to anyone else he was still going to try. He owed it to her.

Closing his eyes, he cleared his mind and focused on a different time – one that was not so long ago though at the same time it felt like it had been centuries.

When he reopened them, his vision was met with darkness. The compound was quiet – he’d chosen to go back when almost everyone had already gone to bed. He could barely hear Rocket and Thor playing video games in the common area along with the rhythmic rumble of Bruce’s snoring.

He slipped into his room stealthily, knowing that his past self had been out on the dock, staring out across the water, having no idea that he would lose one of his closest friends in less than 12 hours. The thought made his stomach churn.

He quickly slipped into a pair of sweats and a comfortable hoody, the type of outfit that she wouldn’t bat an eye at, then steeled himself. He was going to have to sell this if he was going to pull it off. The fate of the universe depended on it, and that was a terrifying thought. But still he wouldn’t let himself back down.

The air in the hallway felt almost electric with nervous anticipation – and not just his own. He remembered how there had been a cautious optimism throughout the team in the hours leading up to the time heist. Part of him wanted to warn them – especially Tony… give him a few more hours to spend with his daughter even if it was just over the phone. But he knew that he couldn’t. Something like that would irreparably damage the timeline. It could doom everyone.

Even what he had planned was dangerous. He banished the thought. There was no turning back.

He tapped lightly on her door, swallowing his nerves. He had to look confident. That was the only way that he could pull this off.

The door slid open to reveal Natasha and his heart stopped, his throat going dry. No matter how much he told himself he’d been prepared to see her, absolutely nothing that he could have done would have made him ready to deal with the storm of emotions that roared through his system.

The second their eyes locked he knew that she knew. He’d been a fool. She was a spy, trained to read people down to the smallest details. It didn’t matter that he was only a few weeks older than the Steve she was used to – he’d changed so much in that time. There was no hiding that he wasn’t ‘her Steve’.

Worse yet, the longer that her penetrating gaze pinned him in place, the more it became apparent that she knew the exact reason that he’d come - or at least part of it. “Why are you here Steve?” she asked him softly. Her tone implied she was asking for a deeper meaning though her voice remained devoid of emotion.

He swallowed thickly. The answer was so simple. Her words from that day so long ago, standing in the empty cavernous cathedral, had echoed in his mind over and over again ever since she’d disappeared from his life. And so he repeated them to her. “I didn’t want you to be alone.”

Her eyes flared briefly in recognition before locking down hard. He shouldn’t have been worried that her figuring things out would destroy everything. He could read the determination in her face – her newfound knowledge hadn’t changed anything. Wordlessly, she took him by the wrist and pulled him inside, the door closing automatically behind him.

They don’t need to say anything to each other. His eyes caught on her perfectly made bed – she hadn’t been sleeping – and he crossed the room, sitting down with his back pressed against the headboard. Nat automatically curled into his side, one leg draped over both of his, her head resting against his chest.

Of it’s own volition, his hand made its way into her hair, his fingers stroking through the multicolored strands mindlessly. Every so often he felt her breath hitch and his muscles would tense in response.

He also hadn’t been ready for how much this would hurt.

Neither one of them slept a wink. As the beginnings of the dawn light from the new day began to creep their way through the blinds she finally spoke. “Was it worth it?”

His hand froze. He didn’t know how to answer that question. It certainly wasn’t as cut and dry as logic dictated that it should be. After long minutes dragged by, he finally settled on a response. “Everyone’s back.”

That seemed to be good enough for her.

Slowly she dragged herself out of his embrace, and stood up. He moved to the edge of the bed, but remained sitting, fingers digging into the edge of the mattress.

He watched as she carefully braided her hair, then stepped into her uniform, body set with the grace and fortitude he had come to love over the years that they’d spent together. She looked back over her shoulder at him and he knew that it was time.

Wrapping his arms around her waist, he held her close one last time. Before he could let her go, she turned in his arms and pressed a firm kiss against the corner of his mouth. “Thank you,” she whispered against his ear, a single tear sliding down the contours of her cheek. He erased it with his thumb.

Then, before he could so much as blink, she was slipping out the door. He waited a solid hundred count before he followed.

He stuck to the shadows as he trailed the team to the platform. Logic said that he already should have left but he couldn’t. Any moment he had left to commit her to memory felt like a moment that he couldn’t waste.

His own voice echoed as his past self made his speech. He did his best to tune it out – the naïve hope made his gut twist. Natasha walked with her head held high but there was also a nervous energy about her that he had never noticed before. He wished that he could be down there with her, could follow her to Vormir, could stay with her until the end. But that wasn’t possible.

Rocket made some kind of underhanded comment that he barely remembered, then Nat turned her head, somehow finding him where he was still standing hidden. She gave him a sad smile then focused her attention back on his past self. “See you in a minute,” she teased, her expression turning sassy as her eyes twinkled.

In a flash everyone disappeared, at the exact same time as floor had dropped out from beneath Steve’s feet.

She’d known.

She’d always known.

**Author's Note:**

> You can't tell me that this didn't happen. My headcanon actually goes further than this because I honestly can't justify Steve living a happy, normal life while knowing that Bucky and Nat are off somewhere being tortured (whether it screws the timeline or not), but I'm leaving it here at least for now.
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


End file.
